Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
|
|
Last summer, I took my kids on a college tour. We, or should I say I, drove from Brooklyn, New York to Atlanta, Georgia and back. Along the way, we stopped at Georgetown University, Howard, University of Virginia, Duke, University of North Carolina (Chapel Hill), Georgia Tech, Spelman, Morehouse, and Clark University. It was hot, but we had fun driving, singing, eating, and hanging out with family and friends.
This past spring break, we went on our second college tour. This time, we kept it local. We visited Cornell, Syracuse, University of Binghamton, University of Albany, and UCONN. Our trip started with a drive up to Utica. We stayed in a hotel and made that our home base for a few days. From there, we visited Syracuse, University of Binghamton, and Cornell. The first in Utica, it was cold and dreary outside. When we woke up, not only was it was still cold and dreary, but there was a layer of snow on the ground! Mind you, it was April. April! Thankfully, by the time we got to Syracuse the snow had melted. But, this was a foreshadow. During this trip, it was either cold or rainy, a stark difference from our summer tour. Let me tell you this, it is not fun walking around for two to three hours listening to an overly hyped young college student telling you about the history of the college, pointing out different buildings and extolling the benefits of attending that particular college. When you’re cold and wet, at some point, you want to yell “That’s it. I’m done!” and stomp off like a three-year-old. All you want to do is go back to the hotel, order some food, and take a long hot shower! Now that I’ve taken these kids on college tours in both the summer and “spring”, I have some tips for you on how to survive these tours.
After the second tour, I was so done with college tours. At this point, I don’t want to see another college until its time to drop my son off. But, wouldn’t you know, a few weeks after we returned home, my son asked if we could visit colleges in Boston. Can you believe it? I guess I’ll be driving to Boston this summer. I better look at hotel rates now. So, when your kids reach the age where you’ll be taking them on college tours, remember my advice. Now you know and you can … Consider Yourself Warned!
0 Comments
My grandmother had a green thumb. She had a farm in South Carolina. For as long as I could remember, Grandma had a small vegetable garden in the back of the house and flowers in the front yard. My mother inherited her mother’s green thumb. Mommy didn’t have a vegetable garden in her backyard (my father did, and still does), but every year she had a flower garden. She had, and still has, flowers in her garden, on the back porch, in the backyard, and inside the house. All her flowers are thriving, growing happily under her watchful eye.
I did not inherit a green thumb. When it comes to plants, I have a black thumb, the thumb of death. It’s not that I don’t like flowers, I love them. They’re very pretty. Its just that they all seem to die when they’re in my care. Years ago, during my pre-children era, I was staying on one of my friend’s couch while I was looking for a job. She went away for a week and told me to take care of the plants. I tried. I really tried. But when my friend came home, she took one look at her sad, drooping, brown leaved plants and asked what happened. To be quite honest, I don’t know what happened. I watered them just like she told me to. Amazingly, after a few days in her care, they were almost back to normal. I tried many times to keep plants in my home. So far, except for the two that I have right now, they have all died (I’m really making an effort to remember to water those two plants once a week). Even the cactus died on me. The cactus! That one took me by surprise. I thought at least the cactus had a chance to survive. Apparently, I was wrong. I have plants in the back yard. They were left there by the previous owners of my house. These poor plants barely survived last year. All I can say is thank God it rained last summer. That was pretty much all the water they got all year long. I’m so bad with plants that my daughter just shakes her head when she sees me near them. This year, I decided that I wanted a few plants for the front yard. I asked my daughter if she wanted to come with me to the nursery to help me them pick out. To my surprise, she said yes. So, Saturday morning my daughter and I went to the nursery and looked at all the beautiful flowers in their bright, vibrant colors. It was fun going through the plants with my daughter. We discussed which ones we liked, which ones we didn’t like, and why we felt we should get others. Eventually, we selected some that we both liked, packed them up, got some dirt (or as my mother would say, soil), paid the money, and put them in the car. Once we got home, I gather all the tools we needed … gardening gloves, the little shovel, and leftover pots from the dead plants … and we got to work. The two of us had fun planting our little flowers. We got rid of the old dirt/soil that was in the pots and put in the new and fresh dirt/soil. We transferred the new flowers into the pots and placed them around the yard. We had a good time together and were proud of our work. It was good quality time and the front yard looks good. Now my daughter wants to plant a vegetable garden. This girl is ambitious. I suggested that we start with the flowers and see how they do. Then we can add a vegetable garden next year. I’ll even clear out some space for her in the back yard. Now our yard looks beautiful. Even our neighbor said so. But here’s the problem. Those flowers need to be watered and unfortunately for me, my kids are on vacation with their father this week. Can you believe that my daughter has so little faith in my ability to water the plants that she actually sent me an email reminding me to water them? The nerve of her! Luckily, it has been rainy the last few days so I didn’t have to. I guess I water the plants before the week is up. I may even water the plants in the backyard too. After all, I don’t want her coming home to dead plants! So, if you are planning on having plants, please make sure you know how to keep them alive. Otherwise, your kids may just shame you. So, now you know and you can … Consider Yourself Warned! I have discovered that teenagers have a weird sense of smell. I’d almost say that they don’t smell anything at all, but I know that they can smell. They always seem to be able to smell when I’m cooking. I know this because they seem to find their way to the kitchen to ask me what am I cooking, and when will it be done. Anything with a good odor, they can smell it.
What baffles my mind is that somehow, they can’t smell things that are foul or just smell bad. For example, someone is cooking. I can smell it burning in my bedroom. However, the child that is standing in the kitchen, right next to the stove, reading or playing on their phone, can’t smell anything. All I can say is thank God the batteries in the smoke detector works! Its not just burnt food they can’t smell, its garbage and body odor too. Once when I came home from work, my son was having his piano lesson (the piano teacher was a young man). I could smell the garbage before I got to the front door. I couldn’t understand why someone didn’t take it out. I asked both my son and his piano teacher if they smelled the garbage. They both just looked at me with blank stares. When my son comes home from basketball practice, he doesn’t realize just how funky he is, and I don’t mean funky in a let’s go party, good way! When he walks in the room after basketball practice, you want to make the sign of the cross, sprinkle some holy water around, and burn incense. That’s how bad he smells. Then, he has the nerve to want to give me a big hug! Can you believe that? Like I want to be anywhere near that foul funk. At least he has a sense of humor. I appreciate that because when he comes near me, I hold out my hand and tell him that I don’t want him coming near me until after he takes a shower. He just laughs, opens his arms out wide, and says, “Oh Mommy, I just want to give you a hug.” I tell him to put his arms down, no one wants to smell that! This kid takes the train home from basketball practice. I can only imagine what the poor people in his subway car must go through. Especially since he’s riding with his friends who have played basketball with him. Can you imagine the smell coming from 2 or 3 teenage boys that just finished playing basketball? Yuck!! At first, I thought it was just a boy thing, but I have since learned that teenage girls are just as bad, at least mine can be. I would have thought that it would be different with girls, but apparently its not. Teenage girl funk can be just as bad as teenage boy funk. One day, my daughter came to give me a hug. While she was hugging me, I started smelling something. I wondered, “What the hell is that smell?” Then it dawned on me, ooooh, it’s my daughter. I asked her, “Do you not smell yourself?” Of course not! I told her that she needed to go take a shower and make sure that she puts some deodorant on. I also told her to make sure that she puts the shirt she was wearing in the wash. Man, summer is just starting and these kids are going to be spending time in the sun. I must get my stash of candles ready. Just remember, if you are thinking about having kids, or already do, make sure you get your stash of candles, incense, or air freshener ready. You’re going to need it. So, now you know and you can …. Consider Yourself Warned! A few weeks ago, I took a long look at myself in the mirror and said, “Ok SassyGirlTye, you have got to do something about your weight!” I decided right then and there that I was going to stop being lazy and start exercising and adopt an overall healthier lifestyle. The first part of my plan of attack was to begin exercising 5 days a week, for 30 minutes a day. Now, I had been thinking about doing this for a long time, but this time, after seeing myself in the mirror, I knew I had to do something. So, I dusted off my old Insanity Max 30 DVDs, popped it in the DVD player, and started huffing and puffing (and cussing Sean T out in my mind).
After about 5 weeks into this program, I went home to visit my parents. My mother looked at me and said, “It looks like you lost some weight.” I was so happy. Someone could actually see the progress that I had made! I’m sure it showed on my face. Then, my father walked in. He took one look at me and said, “You look like you gained some weight.” That’s all it took. The moment was ruined. I was so hurt because I had been working really hard those last few weeks! When my mother got on him and told him that he can’t tell a woman she’s gained weight, my father proceeded to inform her that I was his daughter and that he could tell me that I gained weight, and on and on and on it went. Finally, I had to tell him that I got it. In fact, he said that I gained weight about 5 times already. I had more than gotten the message. On my way home, I thought about that exchange and I decided that I would not make my daughter become self-conscience about her weight or her body image. I resolved that my daughter will grow up loving her body, and not feeling as if she has to conform to what the media says her body should be. But I wondered, what messages had I already sent her? My daughter is 5’7’ and is as thin as a rail. Every time I see her flat abs, I get jealous! I tell her that I remember when I used to be skinny like her. Oh, I miss those days. I could eat anything I wanted and never seemed to gain weight. Anyway, I wondered, when I tell her that, what does she hear? Does she hear that she must be skinny? Does she hear that skinny girls are considered pretty? When I tell her that I’m exercising to lose weight, and I dismiss her comment that I look fine the way I am, what does she hear? Does she hear my dissatisfaction with my own body? Does she think that if I’m not happy with my body, she cannot be happy with hers? What is she really learning from me? I remember when I was my daughter’s age. My mother and aunts used to tell me that once you gained weight, its hard to get it off. They also drilled in me that my clothes size should never be in the double digits. I heard that repeatedly. I don’t think they realized what an impact it had on me. I remember a few years ago my mother bought me a dress. She had me try it on. The dress fit nicely, but I didn’t really like the style. Then, I looked at the tag. It was a size 10. I told my mother that I didn’t want the dress because it was a size 10. Now, to be quite honest, I don’t know who in their right mind thought that dress was a size 10. It was nowhere near a 10! But it didn’t matter. The tag said that it was a size 10, and even if I had liked the dress, I was not going to take it. Many people have told me that I am not fat. However, when I get on the scale or look in the mirror, I tell myself differently. And, I know its not just me. I have friends that tell me that they are trying to lose weight just to get to my size. I guess my friends and I, and probably most women, need to learn to love the bodies we have. Besides, we don’t need to pass these negative feeling about weight and body image to my daughter, or any other young girl. So, be careful of the messages you send to kids. They can have a lasting effect on them. So, now you know and ….. Consider Yourself Warned! What messages have you been sending to your kids? Recently, my daughter told me that she and her friends wanted to purchase tickets to see a Korean boy group band in concert at the Prudential Center in New Jersey. She was so excited! They had it all planned out. They were going to meet up in front of the Prudential Center. They were all going to get the best seats ever!! They were going to be right up front, on the floor. Now, I don’t ever remember my daughter listening to KPOP music. I’ve heard the music she plays in the shower. She plays it loudly enough for me to sing along, so I’m familiar with her musical style. But, for the life of me, I have never heard her listen to KPOP, and don’t have a clue as to what it is. Apparently, this is something that she’s pickup at school. Because like I said, I sing along to her music. And, I don’t speak Korean.
She was so excited. She showed me a video of the band. She showed me which boys she thought were cute. She explained to me that this band will not be going on tour for a long time after this one, she just had to see them. Now, I must admit. The music was ok. It’s not my thing. But she was excited and wanted to go with her friends. I thought, “My daughter is a good kid. She doesn’t give me any problems. Just let the girl go. After all, how much can the ticket be?” I’m thinking, “They can’t be more than $100 or $150 at the most.” So, I ask her, “How much are the tickets?” She calmly, nonchalantly, and effortlessly says, “$300.” $300!!! Are you kidding me? Do you know how many bills I can pay with $300? Do you know how many groceries I can buy with $300? I was in shock. As calmly as I could, I explained to my lovely, darling daughter that I was not paying $300 for her to go to a concert. I can’t lie. Maybe if Michael Jackson or Prince came back from the dead and had a From Beyond the Grave Tour, I would think of paying it, but not for a KPOP band. Needless to say, that was not the answer she wanted to hear. This little girl could not understand why I was not about to pay $300 for one ticket. She even offered to pay for it herself. She had the money in her bank account. After all, what’s the point of saving money if she couldn’t spend it. That last argument got me thinking, “Maybe I should let her spend her own money for the ticket. Then she could experience the satisfaction of saving money for a goal.” But then I said to myself, “Nah, that’s $300!”. But I know I can be cheap (or frugal if you’re classy), so I called her father to see what he thought. His response, “I have no problem with her going, but she has to get a cheaper ticket.” Again, another response she didn’t like. This poor girl did not go to bed happy that night. The day that the tickets were released finally comes. My daughter is all bummed out because her cheap mother would not let her get tickets she coveted so. Later that day, my daughter told me that the tickets sold quickly and that only one of her friends was able to get 2 tickets. “Mommy”, she asks, “Guess how much she paid for the tickets?” “How much?” “$900”. I just looked at my daughter in shock. “For 2 tickets?”, I asked. “No”, she tells me. “$900 each!”. I was done. My daughter just smiled at me. Even she knew that was crazy. I just want to know who were these parents who paid $1,800 for 2 KPOP concert tickets? And where do they work? I need to go get a job there. So, if you are thinking of having kids, or already have young kids, you best start saving up your money now if you want to take them to concerts or shows. And sometimes, you’re going to have to be the mean parent and just say no. So, now you know and …. Consider Yourself Warned! So, let me ask you, would you have paid $300 for KPOP concert tickets? The other day, I had the opportunity to watch TV. Alone. By myself. Without the kids. This is rare for me because … 1) I don’t watch a lot of TV; and 2) even if I wanted to watch TV, I usually don’t have the time. But for some reason, on this particular Saturday night, I didn’t have anything to do, I didn’t feel like doing anything, and the kids were at their father’s.
Months ago, in my effort to reduce my bills, I got rid of cable and purchased a Firestick for the TV. I did this because I realized that my kids were watching Netflix and YouTube more than they were watching cable. So, one day the light bulb switched on and I said to myself, “Why am I paying for cable?” I told the kids that I was getting rid of cable. No one flinched. No one cried. No one had a hissy fit. They just looked at me with blank stares. The only reaction was from my son who just wanted to know if he would be able to watch basketball and football that were shown on the regular channels. So, in addition to the Firestick, I bought an antenna and downloaded both the NBA and NFL apps. He’s good. So now we have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and any free app that my kids have downloaded. There are many “channels” to choose from. However, I have found that my problem is that unless I’m binge watching a series, I don’t know what want to watch (amazingly, it seems that all of the movies I want to watch aren’t free). That Saturday night, I wasn’t in the mood to start a new series, so I decided that I would just watch a movie. However, with so many options, it was hard trying to decide what to watch without the kids’ “guidance”. After about 30 minutes of indecisiveness, I decided to watch The Power Rangers. Yes, I watched The Power Rangers. I must admit, it wasn’t half bad, and it was much better than the corny series I used to watch with the kids when they were little. Although, there were a few parts which made me think, “Really? You really had to say that?”. But I digress. The reason I brought this up was because as I was watching the movie, I had a flashback. I remembered how when the kids were much younger, we would watch cartoons together. I’m talking about young children cartoons, not Family Guy or American Dad. Anyway, I remembered one particular weekend the kids were away visiting their grandparents. After I cleaned the apartment, and did the laundry, I decided to watch TV. I automatically flipped to Nickelodeon and started watching Jimmy Neutron. Now, I should admit, Jimmy Neutron was one of my favorite cartoons back then, that and the Backyardigans. Jimmy Neutron made being smart cool. I liked that. So, I’m watching Jimmy Neutron and about half way through the show ... it hits me. “I don’t have to watch this; the kids aren’t here. I can watch an adult show!” I couldn’t believe it. I was so conditioned to watching children TV shows that I was watching them when the kids weren’t even there! And I did the same thing the other night when I watched The Power Rangers! So, for those of you who want to have kids, or have little kids now, make sure you watch adult TV shows!!!! You don’t want to end up like me still watching children shows when the kids aren’t even home! So, now you know and …. Consider Yourself Warned! If you’re a parent, which children TV shows do you watch when your kids aren’t around? When I came home from choir rehearsal earlier this week, the first thing I noticed when I walked in the door was that it was really hot inside the house. At first, I was glad. After all, it was after 10:00 pm and it was cold outside. But, then I started wondering, “Why is it so damn hot in here?” You see, I have my heat on a timer. At that time of night, it should have only been about 70 degrees. So, I was really confused as to why it felt like a sauna when I walked in the door. Imagine my shock when I checked the thermostat and found that someone had the audacity to set the temperature to 80 degrees! 80 degrees! In the middle of April!
Now, I won’t lie. It was cold outside, but it wasn’t cold enough to justify setting the temperature to 80 degrees. Of course, you know I had to find out who changed it: Me: “Who turned the heat up to 80 degrees?” Daughter: “Not me.” Son: “Me. It was cold in here.” Me: “Turn on the space heater in your room then.” Son: “No. It was cold downstairs.” Here’s where I get annoyed (to put it mildly), I was on the first floor. My son was yelling to me from his attic bedroom. Attic. Bedroom. He wasn’t even downstairs anymore, and it didn’t appear as if he was coming back down any time soon. I calmly explained to him that heat is not free and this is costing me money. My quick thinking, (or smart ass, whichever you prefer) son asked, “If the temperature was already at 74, how much more would 6 more degrees cost?” You know I wanted to hurt him, right? For all you parents of teenagers out there, you would have been so proud of me. I kept it together and didn’t revert to banshee mode. Believe you me, I was sooooo ready to go there. It’s the same issue with water. I just don’t get it. Why is the shower running when no one is in there? I can understand that you may want to run the water so it can heat up before you get in. After all, not too many of us like a cold shower. But, come on. After 15 minutes, the water is probably hot. Not only do I have to pay for the water they use in the shower, but I also have to pay for the water they use to wash the clothes. Do you think they think of that? Of course not. I can tell by how they do the laundry. When we first moved into our house. I taught them how to work the washer and dryer. I specifically remember explaining to them that if you have a lot of clothes, set the water on high. If you have only a little bit of clothes, use the low setting, or better yet, wait until there is a large pile of clothes and wash them all at one time. Then use the large setting. Do you think they listened? No. One day my son had the nerve to wash three shirts … on the high setting! Do you understand how much water was wasted? Apparently, he didn’t care about my pocketbook or the environment. And here’s another one, why do kids feel the need to stand in front of the refrigerator with the door open for 10 minutes? Really? Like new food is going to just magically appear? After a quick scan, you know what’s in there. So, open the door and take a look inside. If you really can’t decide what to eat in 30 seconds, close the door, decide what you want, open the door, and then get the food. See how easy that was? Now, I'm venting about all this to not only get it all off my chest, but to also warn you future parents and parent wannabes. Get ready. When you have kids, your household bills are going to substantially increase. You may as well start saving your money now. So, now you know, and you can … Consider Yourself Warned! This past Thursday was Holy Thursday. My daughter goes to a Catholic high school so she had the day off. So, instead of being home, praying or doing whatever she’s suppose to be doing to remember that holy day, my daughter, along with the members of her school’s track team, were at a track meet. Now, I just happened to have Thursday off. I had planned on cleaning my house and doing the laundry. I know, not quite a religious way to celebrate the holiday. But hey, some things just need to be done. Don’t judge. Anyway, I didn’t even get to do that. My daughter had to be at the track field by 9:30 am. Unfortunately, the meet was not in Brooklyn which meant that I had to drive and that we needed to leave home around 8:00 am because you just never know what will be going on with traffic. So needless to say, I didn’t get to clean the house. Instead, I went to my daughter’s track meet.
This was the first time that I got to see my daughter run track. I watched her run cross country earlier this year, and she’s even gone out and ran with me and my girlfriends a few times. Or, should I say, she started with us. Usually, she ends up waiting for us at the finish line. This day, she ran both the 400 and 800 meter races. She didn’t win, but she didn’t come in last. I was so proud of her. Although, I would have been proud of her even if she came in last. She went out there and gave it her all. I mean, that girl ran her butt off! I had no clue how fast she could run. Like I said, I’ve watched her run cross country last season. But that’s different. Cross country is more about distance and stamina. Track was all about how fast you could run. I have to say, I was really impressed with her running skills. I was one proud mama. Now, this was my first track meet, so let me tell you what I learned. First of all, these meets last all day. All. Damn. Day. I’m not joking. All day. The up side is that it is fun watching the kids compete. You cheer for your child, you cheer for your child’s teammates, you cheer when its time to go home. As a parent, you need to master the art of patience and stamina because you are not going home anytime soon. Also, if your child runs in March/April, and you live in the northeast, its going to be cold. I wish someone had told me that before I sat down on the hard, cold bench. This track meet was at Randall’s Island. Island. Let that sink in. We were surrounded by water. In March. It was cold when we arrived at 9:00 am, and it was cold when we left around 3:00 pm. All I had on was a short down jacket. Silly me. I thought that would be enough to keep me warm. The only time I was warm was when we were in the heated car. I was cold all day. All. Day. I looked at the moms in the row behind me. They were all bundled up in hats, scarves, gloves, and blankets. Blankets. This was not their first time at a track meet. I learned my lesson. On Friday, I bought two mini blankets. One for me, and one for my daughter. I will be prepared for the next meet. The other thing I learned from the experienced moms ... and from going to the snack bar was to bring your own snacks. Why, you ask? Because the snack bar is expensive. Unless you bring in a bucket of chicken, you are forced to buy the expensive cheeseburgers, chicken fingers, drinks, chips, etc. Unfortunately, your kid will ask you to buy him/her something to eat. And since you’ve been there for five hours, and your child still has at least two more hours to go before their next event, you kind of feel bad for them. Besides, you’re hungry too. So off you go to drop a fortune at the snack bar. So, next time, I’m bringing my own snacks. Who knows? Maybe I can hide some sandwiches in my pocketbook. After all, its not like they really checked it. The last thing I learned is this ... make your coffee at home and bring it with you in a metal thermos. I was charged $3.00 for a cup of coffee! Can you believe it? We were there for at six hours. I needed two cups of coffee to make it through the day. The coffee wasn’t too bad, but I would have preferred to throw in another $2.00 for a cup of coffee from Starbucks! But I didn’t have that option, it was cold, and I was trying to stay warm. Anyway, after all that, I had a great time. It was fun watching the kids race and it was fun cheering them on. They even inspired me to run more consistently. Maybe I’ll start next week. But I know this, next time I go to my daughter’s track meet, I will make sure to bring a blanket, snacks, and coffee in a thermos. Now you know too. So .... Consider Yourself Warned! This past Tuesday, it was announced that New York City would be hit with another Nor’easter. Before my kids had even made it home from school, it was announced that school would be closed Wednesday. Can you believe it? When the announcement was made, it wasn’t even snowing. I thought that they would have at least waited to see what the weather did Wednesday morning before closing the schools. Well, this was one of the few times that the weather person got it right. It snowed. Boy, did it snow!
So, Wednesday, my kids had a snow day. They were still in bed when I left for work that morning. I have to admit, I was jealous. I wanted to stay home too, but I went to work anyway (I wanted to save my vacation days for when the kids and I go on vacation in a few weeks). So, there they were, all snug in bed. And there I was, getting ready to leave for work. In. All. That. Snow! As I went to work, I told myself that I should be grateful that 1) I have a job to go to, and 2) that my kids are old enough to stay home alone. When the kids were too little to stay home alone. I used to get them dressed and drag them through the snow just so that they could have the pleasure of going to work with me. These kids thought it was fun. They would take the train with me to work (along with all the other kids going to work with their parents), where they would be spoiled by my co-workers. It was a great day for them. It was hell for me. Now mind you, my kids were always well-behaved. However, no matter how well-behaved they were, I always worried that they would be a bother my co-workers. It always made for a stressful day. I remember the last time I planned to take the kids to work with me. They were about six and seven years old. It had snowed, schools were closed, and I had to work. I got the kids up, made them breakfast, and got them dressed. I was stressed before I had even left the apartment. I was so frustrated, probably in anticipation of how I thought the day was going to be. Then, all of a sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why am I doing this? Why am I stressing myself when I have unused vacation days? Why should these kids have to go to work with me when they can just stay home? Hell, I wanted to stay home! Then I realized that I didn’t have to do this. So, I called work, told them that I wasn’t coming in, and stayed home with my kids. I even got to take a nap later on in the day. It was a great day. After that, whenever school was closed I just stayed home (thank goodness NYC rarely closes schools). If there was a hint that school would be closed, I would prepare my work for the person who had to cover for me, and stay home with the kids. I started looking forward to snow days. Who wouldn’t? Snow days gave me the perfect excuse to stay home. I just always made sure that I had enough vacation days saved up. After all, the kids still need to eat on a regular basis, so leave without pay was not an option. After a while, the kids got older, and became more mature and responsible. They were able to stay home alone and no longer needed me to stay home with them. Yesterday was one of those days. They don’t need me to stay home with them, so I went to work. I miss my snow days! So, while your kids are young, save up your vacation time. Hopefully, you can use them for snow days and have fun with your kids. If you are able, take advantage of that time. You won’t get it back. So now you know and … Consider Yourself Warned! I have a notebook that I bought specifically to write out my 2018 goals and to keep track of my progress. In this notebook, I divided the year by quarters. Each quarter is divided into three columns. In the first column, I list my goals for that quarter. In the second column, I list the projected completion date for each goal. And in the third column, I list the date that the goal was actually completed. I spent a lot of time creating this notebook. I even have it color coded. My plan was to use it throughout the course of the year to keep track of my progress and to hold myself accountable.
After I spent a good part of the day creating my notebook, I decided to put it in a safe place. However, when I wanted to review it a few days later, I couldn’t find it. I looked all around my office and couldn’t find it. After a while, I thought, “Ok. Maybe I put it in my bedroom.” I looked there and couldn’t find it. For two whole weeks I looked for this notebook. I thought I was going crazy. The notebook had to be in the house. After all, I didn’t take it out. But damn, where could it be? Finally, in desperation, I asked my son, “Hey, did you see a big notebook?” Imagine my surprise when he looks at me and says, “Is it pink?” and then proceeds to open his book bag and pull it out! I. Was. Hot. Here I am looking for my notebook, and my son is using it for school! Oh hell no!! I asked him if he’d noticed that some of the pages had writing on them. Of course he didn’t. So then the talking began. I started talking about respecting other people’s property and not using things that didn’t belong to him, and how he should ask for permission before using other people’s things. Now mind you, I was not calm during this “conversation”. This was more like me yelling. At one point, my son actually had the nerve to look at me and say, “Its not that serious Mom.” Oh, I was done. It was like he had thrown gas on the flame. My temper flared up and I yelled for a good 15 to 20 minutes more. I’m sure he wished that he had kept his mouth shut. When I sort of calmed down, I decided that he had to be taught a lesson. He needed to learn what it felt like when you couldn’t find something, not because you lost it, but because someone else took it. So when he was in the bathroom, I looked around his room for something I could hide. I saw his combination lock and figured that it would be good to take it since hey, he must need it for his locker at school. At that point, I didn’t even care if his stuff got stolen. So I took the lock and hid it in my yarn box. I figured he wouldn’t look for it there. I imagined that he that he would be frantic the next morning and I couldn’t wait for him to ask me whether or not I saw the lock. I had it all planned out what I would say. I would innocently ask him, “Why would I know where it is? I don’t use it.” I had planned on waiting two weeks before the lock “mysteriously” reappeared. I figured he would have learned his lesson at the end of that two week period. The following morning, I notice my son putting a lock into his coat pocket. Now I’m confused. I didn’t give him the lock back and I was pretty sure that it was still in my yarn box. So I asked him, “Where did you get that lock from?” He just looked at me and said nonchalantly, “Oh, this lock. I’ve always had it.” All I could do was look at him and shake my head. Next time, I’ll just go in his wallet and take out his cash. I can almost guarantee that he doesn’t have any spare cash lying around. So the moral of this story is this, if you want to teach your kids a lesson, make sure that you do your research and plan for all scenarios. Now you know, and ... Consider Yourself Warned! I know I usually blog about my kids. But today, I can’t. Movie wise, this past weekend was one for the history books. This, was a Black Panther weekend!
Now, my kids and I enjoy seeing Marvel and DC Comic movies. Usually my son and I will go together. My daughter may grace us with her presence if its a Thor movie, or Thor is in it. However, with Black Panther, I couldn’t wait for the weekend to see it. To the dismay of both my kids, I had to see Black Panther on opening day. Unfortunately for them, opening day was on a school night (my son saw the movie with his friends Friday afternoon. My daughter and I saw it together on Sunday). One of the things I love about living in New York City is the availability of the midnight show. Some movies are so highly anticipated that you just can’t wait for opening day. Black Panther was one of them. Now, mind you, my girlfriends and I had already planned on going to the midnight show for this movie. I mean with all that delicious chocolatey eye candy, why wait? Imagine our surprise and joy when we found out that earlier shows were available! That meant that not only did we get to see the movie before midnight, we would make it home at a halfway decent hour. After all, some people had to work the next day (I took the day off. I didn’t want to miss the chance to have a four day weekend). Anyway, my girlfriends and I went to the 10:30 pm showing Thursday night in Manhattan. We went to one of those theaters where you can pick your seats. Luckily for us, I got online early enough where I was able to reserve four seats in the last row, dead center. I felt as if I had hit the lottery. We met up at the theater, sat in our seats, and watched about three hours of previews. I’m only joking. It was probably closer to thirty minutes, but it damn sure felt like three hours. Then, the movie started. There was a hush over the theater. Now, I don’t know about your usual movie theater experience, but when you see a popular movie in certain neighborhoods, you can expect some audience interaction. Black Panther was one of those movies where I expected so much audience participation that I had already had it in my head that I would have to see the movie at least two more times so I can see what I missed the first time. But shockingly, the audience was strangely quiet throughout this movie. Everyone was so engrossed that you could actually hear the conversations on the screen! That is a testament to the greatness of this movie. This was a movie where young boys of color did not see themselves portrayed as hustlers, drug dealers, and thugs. In this movie, they saw themselves as honorable men, working with and respecting women, while caring about the welfare of their people. This was a movie where young girls of color didn’t see themselves as welfare moms, hookers, or drug addicts, but as scientists and warriors, fighting besides, and not against the men in their community. This was a movie with positive role models of color. Even the so called villain in this movie had a noble cause. He wanted to help raise his people out of their oppression and give them a chance to overthrow their oppressors. He just envisioned a different means to the end. Overall, this movie was all I expected it to be and more. The acting was awesome, the scenery was spectacular, and the story was powerful. This is one of the times when I wished my kids were still little. I would love to dress them up as the Black Panther and a Dora Milaje for Halloween. In fact, this Halloween, don’t be surprised to see your block lined with mini Black Panthers and Dora Milaje. Just make sure you have your candy ready. And … Consider Yourself Warned! When I was a teenager, I loved my boyfriend. When I was dating, I loved my boyfriend. When I got married, I loved my husband. During those times in my life, I thought I knew what love really was. All that changed when I had children. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the men in my life, as well as my parents, family members, and extended family. But, I can honestly say that I never really knew what love was … until I had my kids.
I remember the first time I held my son. I looked at that precious little face and was instantly in love. I loved (and still love) that little baby with all my heart and soul. When he was about a year old, he would stand on the bed, flash that beautiful smile, and give me a big hug. I would hug him back and say, “I love you too!” I could kill for that kid. I would die for that kid. I finally understood what true love really feels like. Then, seventeen months later, his sister came and I understood what the old people meant when they said that your love multiplies when you have more than one child. I held that little girl close to my heart, and my heart melted all over again. I would dress her up in the cute little outfits, do her hair, and give her a big hug. She was (and still is) my mini me. My kids know that I love them. I tell them every day. I tell them because it is something that I honestly feel, and because I want them to know that someone in this world loves them. I want them to feel special. Luckily for them, they are surrounded with love. They have their father, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family all showering love on them. And I see the effect that all this love has on them. They themselves are truly loving people. They are kind to their friends, kind to each other (for the most part), and loving towards me. They are all in all, good kids. As we enter this holiday season, it is easy to buy presents for our kids. We can get caught up on buying them things that they really do not need. But the one thing that we need to remember to give them is love. This generation needs to know that they are loved and valued. So, if you have kids in your life, whether they are your natural born kids, God children, relatives, or your friend’s kids, let them know they are loved and that you believe in them. And spend time with them. I mean quality time. It so easy to do and you don’t have to spend a lot of money either. Quality time can be something as simple as watching a movie together on Netflix and then talking about it. It can be going to your kid’s soccer game, cheering him or her on, and discussing the game. It can be as simple as talking about a book you both have read (my daughter and I are currently reading the Game of Thrones series. Its interesting hearing her opinions of the different characters). Love and time are gifts that we can give our kids today and every day. So, if you didn’t know what to give a kid this year … now you know. Trust me, the return on your investment is awesome! A few weeks ago, my son was at a party thrown by some of his classmates, in a section of Brooklyn that he didn’t know too well, and one where I would have preferred that he not be in. That particular week was his father’s week. Now, I don’t have a problem with his father letting him go to this party. After all, as much as I would like to keep both my kids locked up at home, I know that’s not realistic. We can’t hold onto them forever and they have to learn to navigate the city, or else they won’t know how to function as adults.
Around 10 pm, my son calls me to ask if I can order him an Uber because the local train wasn’t running (I don’t understand why this kid thinks I am his personal secretary, or why he thinks that Uber is free). My gut reaction was, “Why are you calling me? You’re at your father’s. Call him.” After all, this is supposed to be my Mommy free week. Or, at least as much as it can be. Anyway, as I was telling him to take the bus or walk to the next train stop to catch the express train (its only a few blocks away – I know that area of Brooklyn better than he does), I suddenly hear, “Oh no Mommy” … and the phone went dead! I called him immediately. My call went straight to voice mail. I call again. The same thing happens. After a while, I begin to worry. I tend to have an overactive imagination. In my mind, I have imagined that someone has jumped my son to either steal his cell phone or rob him of the little bit of money he has in his wallet. Or worse, the cops rolled up on him. If he had gotten jumped, they probably would have just taken his phone/money and beat him up. If it were the cops, my 5’11’ black son could have been shot. Unfortunately, in the world we live in today, those scenarios aren’t far-fetched. I call my son again. Again, I go straight to the voice mail. When we were talking, he had told me where he was standing. I checked the locater app that I made him download on his phone and he’s still in that same area. I waited to see if he got on the bus. The app would let me know if he was on the move. Nope. Nothing. The app still shows him at the same location. Now, I’m starting to panic, but I’m trying to keep it together. I can’t just sit home. So I get in my car to find him. Thank God for technology! I have the locater app and a GPS app on my phone. I plug that baby up in the car and start driving. After about fifteen minutes, I realize that I left my bat at home. I meant to bring it, just in case I needed it. I told myself that I would have to buy a spare bat and keep it in the car. I start wondering how much damage the snow remover can do. I have two in the back of the car. Let me tell you. My heart was pounding the whole time I was driving. I was praying to God that my son was fine. Every now and again I would check that location app and it had my son still at the same place. I would call his phone and go straight to voice mail. Finally, my son sent me a text. He was fine. He had gotten on the train and was already downtown waiting on his second train. You cannot imagine how relieved I was!!! I thanked God that my son was safe, turned around, and went home after stopping at the store (I needed more tea. I figured that I may as well get it since I was already out.) While I was driving home, my son called me and told me that his phone froze up and died on him. That’s why he couldn’t call or text me back earlier. Let me tell you, as a parent, there are going to be times when your kids will scare the crap out of you. Sometimes they will do something stupid or crazy. Other times, something may happen that is totally out of their control. No matter what, you got to be ready to handle whatever the situation may be. So, get ready, and … Consider Yourself Warned! What have your kids done that scared you? The other day, I had the honor and the privilege of going to the movies with my daughter. Now, I say that it was an honor and a privilege because this girl usually prefers to be alone in her room only to interact with us when she needs something, or if we just happen to be in her path as she heads to the kitchen or bathroom. Then she may grace us with a few words. I have just come to accept that she is fifteen and would prefer the company of her “cool” friends over my company (even though I think that I’m cooler than her friends). So, you can understand why I was a little shocked when she suggested that we go see the latest Thor movie. Now, I am an Avengers fan. I was a little surprised that she wanted to go. First of all, this is not the type of movie she normally likes. In fact, I can’t even remember the last time she went to the movie theater with me and her brother to see a Marvel movie. She usually tells us that she doesn’t want to go and stays home, locked up in her room with her IPad and phone. Secondly, I was surprised that she wanted to go with me, and not her friends. Who knows? Maybe she just felt cheap and didn’t want to pay. But being the great mom that I am, I gladly accepted. After all, it had been a while since we’ve been to the movies together.
So, we are seated in the theater and I soon realized that seeing a movie with my now teenage daughter is not the same as watching it with my son. Its not better, its just different. When my son and I watch a movie together, we talk about the plot, what we found believable, what we liked, what we didn’t like, etc. You get the picture. However, while watching this Thor movie with my daughter, the conversation was not even close to the kind I have with my son. I suspect that it has to do with the fact that she is a young girl coming into age. With her, the conversation was more about who’s cute, who’s not, who would you like to marry … and, my all-time favorite, who has the better body! Before the movie actually started, we were forced to watch the previews. When the preview for Black Panther was shown, I almost fell out of my seat (even though I had watched it with my daughter on the internet a few weeks ago. There was just something about seeing it on the big screen that made me want to yell out DAMN!!) I turn to my daughter and politely asked her, “Did you see the body on the guy who plays the Black Panther?” Side note, for all the women out there, google it and you’ll see what I mean. My daughter looked at me, smiled at me, and laughed. What a bonding moment. Some people may think that I shouldn’t be having these kinds of conversations with my daughter. But I disagree. Why not talk about it? The girl is fifteen and trust me, I know she looks at boys. She does it right in front of me! Besides, it’s a great way to lead into the sex conversation. Now, just to be clear, we didn’t have sex conversation that day. And I wasn’t about to have it inside the movie theater. There was a row of younger kids sitting right in front of us. I wouldn’t want them to overhear THAT conversation. But after the movie, we had a conversation as to what she likes and doesn’t like in boys … their physical characteristics, personalities, and how she should be treated by boys. I thought it was a good conversation. It gave me some insight into her psyche, and we had fun. When you have kids, it may be challenging, but we have to be open to having meaningful conversations with them. They need to feel comfortable talking to us. Trust me, there will be some topics that you don’t want to talk about, or that may be uncomfortable for you to talk about. But guess what? We are the adults, so we have to just get over it. So, suck it up and have those uncomfortable conversations with your kids. And … Consider Yourself Warned! What types of uncomfortable conversations have you had with your kids? Happy New Year!
May 2018 bring you happiness, good health, prosperity, and love. SassyGirlTye |
SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.
|