Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
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Before I had kids, I didn’t worry about food. If there was none in the apartment, fine. If I wanted only a baked potato for dinner, fine. If I didn’t eat, who cares? That all changed once I had kids! For some reason, kids need to eat, on a daily basis. I know what you’re thinking, aren’t you suppose to feed them? Well, yeah! But sometimes it’s just tiring.
When my kids were babies and toddlers, I wanted everything they ate to be as healthy as possible. So I went out and I bought fresh foods and cooked. I mean, I actually cooked! I would get up and make them a hot breakfast, make a healthy lunch, drop them off to school, go to work, come home, and made sure that they had a homemade dinner. I thought I was Martha Stewart! I would try new recipes, make different meals from scratch, all the things that I imagined a perfect mother to do. I just couldn’t imagine giving my kids a precook meal with all those additives and preservatives in it. I mean, really? What kind of mother does that? Well, let me answer that question for you, me! In the beginning, I wanted the best for them. Now don’t get me wrong, I still want the best for them and will do everything I can to make sure that they have the best, but all that cooking, nah. I work all day and sometimes I just want to come home and crash! Can you imagine, slaving over a hot stove in the summertime, preparing what you think is a wonderful, nutritious meal, only to hear, “I don’t like it”. You don’t know how many times I heard that phrase. If it’s not “I don’t like it”, it’s, “I don’t want it”, or “Can I have … (insert any food that you haven’t cooked that day here – I used to tell my kids on a regular basis that this was not a restaurant, you get what I cooked). It’s tiring trying to come up with healthy, tasty meals that the kids would want. After a while, you walk past the freezer section of the grocery store and you start thinking to yourself, “If I get this PF Chang General Tso Chicken, all I have to do is put it in the frying pan. It’s already seasoned. Oooooh! Those beef patties really look good. That box will last a few days.” Next thing you know, your shopping cart is filled with premade dinners and Lego waffles. And you tell yourself, “Well, at least I got fruit. That’s healthy.” At first, you feel guilty. After all, you envisioned yourself to be Mother Earth. But then you realize that you can cook a meal under thirty minutes the kids will actually eat it … you quickly get over it! Now, don’t get me wrong, I still cook my kids’ homemade meals, but it feels good to be able to just pop a frozen pizza in the oven, sit down, and call it a night. As long as the kids aren’t complaining, it’s all good with me! Motherhood will not always be what you imagined it to be. So don’t beat yourself up if you have to change your image of yourself as a mother. After all, change can be good. What’s important is that you love your kids and spend quality time with them. So, until next time, consider yourself warned!
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For all you lucky childless ladies who get to have some alone time, you don’t know how lucky you are! Let me enlighten you.
Every now and again, I would like some guilt-free alone time. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Hey Sassy Girl, don’t you get alone time when the kids are sleeping, or when they’re at their father’s?” Well, the answer to that is both yes, and no. When the kids are sleeping, I’m not really alone ... they’re still in the house. And, they could wake up at any time. And it always seems that when they wake up, they must always find me to tell me good night … again. I don’t know. Maybe they’re thinking that I’m going to sneak out while they’re still sleeping. Yes, I’m along when they’re sleeping, but I’m really not. Then, when the kids are at their father’s that should be MY time, right? Wrong! Even then, I don’t get any real alone time. You would think that their father doesn’t exist. Here’s an example. My kids were at their father’s and got on each other’s nerves. One of them called me to report to me that the other one did. After that child gave me a full report along with a list of suggested punishments, as if I can’t come up with any on my own, I asked, “Where is your father?” The reply, “In the next room.” Really!!! Are you kidding me?? You disturb my nap, when I finally get to take one without worrying that you two won’t kill each other, when your father is in the next room? When I ask, “Then why are you calling me? Go tell your father.” no one ever has a good answer. In fact, now that I think about it, I don’t think anyone has ever given me an answer. Usually, my question gets ignored and the child starts retelling me why and how the sibling should be punished. All I can do is sigh and start yelling at them both over the speaker phone. You can’t imagine how many times that has happened. Do you know what it’s like to be at the parent/teacher conference to get a phone call from one of the kids? You look at the caller id on your cell phone and you see that it’s the house phone. You start to panic, “Is everyone ok?” Please, of course they are! Silly me, I actually thought that it would be just me, their father, and the teacher at the parent/teacher conferences! When I got the chance to call the child back, this is the question, “When are you coming home Mom?” I’m sorry, what? I thought I was the parent. Mind you, this question is not only reserved for parent/teacher conferences. It’s also when I get my nails done (on the few occasions I can actually get them done), when I’m at the grocery store, when I’m at work … you get the picture. If it’s not, “When are you coming home?” it’s “Mom, on your way home, can you get …?” When I come home from work, I would love to have a few minutes to myself to unwind. Does it happen? Not when the kids are home. Sometimes, as soon as I put the key in the door, my son will open the door for me and ask, “Hey Mom, what’s for dinner?” I can’t even tell you how annoying that is? What? Am I the short order cook and maid? Can someone ask me how my day was? Can someone offer to cook for me? (In all fairness, my kids will offer to put leftovers in the microwave for me and to put a pot of water on the stove for my tea, but they are usually doing it for themselves too). Do you know how it feels to have someone follow you around from room to room, talking nonstop? Then, when you say you need ten minutes to yourself, they actually set the timers on their smart phones! Or, Saturday mornings, you really just want to sleep in. But you can’t because your child who is too young to cook for his or herself will wake you up to let you know that he or she is hungry. When my son was six years old, he was notorious for waking up at 6:00 am and getting in bed with me. He would sit on my bed, wake me up, and then talk to me for a good fifteen minutes before I would say, “Ok love. Just lay down here next to me. You don’t have to go to sleep, but you have to lay down.” He would want to watch tv, but I would remind him that he couldn’t watch tv until 8:00 am. So, he would lay down and when I was half asleep, I’d hear, “Mommy, its 8:00.” That damn digital clock! Who taught that kid how to tell time? He would get up, go into the living room, and turn on the tv. Miraculously, his sister, who liked to sleep in, would suddenly get out of bed and join him. Once that happened, I knew it was over and I would have to get up soon. Now you see, when you have kids, you have constant companionship, at least until they become teenagers (so I’ve been told). So enjoy your alone time, you won't get it again until the kids more out and are on their own. Consider yourself warned! |
SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.
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