Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
My grandmother had a green thumb. She had a farm in South Carolina. For as long as I could remember, Grandma had a small vegetable garden in the back of the house and flowers in the front yard. My mother inherited her mother’s green thumb. Mommy didn’t have a vegetable garden in her backyard (my father did, and still does), but every year she had a flower garden. She had, and still has, flowers in her garden, on the back porch, in the backyard, and inside the house. All her flowers are thriving, growing happily under her watchful eye.
I did not inherit a green thumb. When it comes to plants, I have a black thumb, the thumb of death. It’s not that I don’t like flowers, I love them. They’re very pretty. Its just that they all seem to die when they’re in my care. Years ago, during my pre-children era, I was staying on one of my friend’s couch while I was looking for a job. She went away for a week and told me to take care of the plants. I tried. I really tried. But when my friend came home, she took one look at her sad, drooping, brown leaved plants and asked what happened. To be quite honest, I don’t know what happened. I watered them just like she told me to. Amazingly, after a few days in her care, they were almost back to normal.
I tried many times to keep plants in my home. So far, except for the two that I have right now, they have all died (I’m really making an effort to remember to water those two plants once a week). Even the cactus died on me. The cactus! That one took me by surprise. I thought at least the cactus had a chance to survive. Apparently, I was wrong.
I have plants in the back yard. They were left there by the previous owners of my house. These poor plants barely survived last year. All I can say is thank God it rained last summer. That was pretty much all the water they got all year long. I’m so bad with plants that my daughter just shakes her head when she sees me near them.
This year, I decided that I wanted a few plants for the front yard. I asked my daughter if she wanted to come with me to the nursery to help me them pick out. To my surprise, she said yes. So, Saturday morning my daughter and I went to the nursery and looked at all the beautiful flowers in their bright, vibrant colors. It was fun going through the plants with my daughter. We discussed which ones we liked, which ones we didn’t like, and why we felt we should get others. Eventually, we selected some that we both liked, packed them up, got some dirt (or as my mother would say, soil), paid the money, and put them in the car.
Once we got home, I gather all the tools we needed … gardening gloves, the little shovel, and leftover pots from the dead plants … and we got to work. The two of us had fun planting our little flowers. We got rid of the old dirt/soil that was in the pots and put in the new and fresh dirt/soil. We transferred the new flowers into the pots and placed them around the yard. We had a good time together and were proud of our work. It was good quality time and the front yard looks good. Now my daughter wants to plant a vegetable garden. This girl is ambitious. I suggested that we start with the flowers and see how they do. Then we can add a vegetable garden next year. I’ll even clear out some space for her in the back yard.
Now our yard looks beautiful. Even our neighbor said so. But here’s the problem. Those flowers need to be watered and unfortunately for me, my kids are on vacation with their father this week. Can you believe that my daughter has so little faith in my ability to water the plants that she actually sent me an email reminding me to water them? The nerve of her! Luckily, it has been rainy the last few days so I didn’t have to. I guess I water the plants before the week is up. I may even water the plants in the backyard too. After all, I don’t want her coming home to dead plants!
So, if you are planning on having plants, please make sure you know how to keep them alive. Otherwise, your kids may just shame you.
So, now you know and you can … Consider Yourself Warned!
I have discovered that teenagers have a weird sense of smell. I’d almost say that they don’t smell anything at all, but I know that they can smell. They always seem to be able to smell when I’m cooking. I know this because they seem to find their way to the kitchen to ask me what am I cooking, and when will it be done. Anything with a good odor, they can smell it.
What baffles my mind is that somehow, they can’t smell things that are foul or just smell bad. For example, someone is cooking. I can smell it burning in my bedroom. However, the child that is standing in the kitchen, right next to the stove, reading or playing on their phone, can’t smell anything. All I can say is thank God the batteries in the smoke detector works!
Its not just burnt food they can’t smell, its garbage and body odor too. Once when I came home from work, my son was having his piano lesson (the piano teacher was a young man). I could smell the garbage before I got to the front door. I couldn’t understand why someone didn’t take it out. I asked both my son and his piano teacher if they smelled the garbage. They both just looked at me with blank stares. When my son comes home from basketball practice, he doesn’t realize just how funky he is, and I don’t mean funky in a let’s go party, good way! When he walks in the room after basketball practice, you want to make the sign of the cross, sprinkle some holy water around, and burn incense. That’s how bad he smells. Then, he has the nerve to want to give me a big hug! Can you believe that? Like I want to be anywhere near that foul funk. At least he has a sense of humor. I appreciate that because when he comes near me, I hold out my hand and tell him that I don’t want him coming near me until after he takes a shower. He just laughs, opens his arms out wide, and says, “Oh Mommy, I just want to give you a hug.” I tell him to put his arms down, no one wants to smell that! This kid takes the train home from basketball practice. I can only imagine what the poor people in his subway car must go through. Especially since he’s riding with his friends who have played basketball with him. Can you imagine the smell coming from 2 or 3 teenage boys that just finished playing basketball? Yuck!!
At first, I thought it was just a boy thing, but I have since learned that teenage girls are just as bad, at least mine can be. I would have thought that it would be different with girls, but apparently its not. Teenage girl funk can be just as bad as teenage boy funk. One day, my daughter came to give me a hug. While she was hugging me, I started smelling something. I wondered, “What the hell is that smell?” Then it dawned on me, ooooh, it’s my daughter. I asked her, “Do you not smell yourself?” Of course not! I told her that she needed to go take a shower and make sure that she puts some deodorant on. I also told her to make sure that she puts the shirt she was wearing in the wash.
Man, summer is just starting and these kids are going to be spending time in the sun. I must get my stash of candles ready.
Just remember, if you are thinking about having kids, or already do, make sure you get your stash of candles, incense, or air freshener ready. You’re going to need it. So, now you know and you can ….
Consider Yourself Warned!
SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.