Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
A few weeks ago, I took a long look at myself in the mirror and said, “Ok SassyGirlTye, you have got to do something about your weight!” I decided right then and there that I was going to stop being lazy and start exercising and adopt an overall healthier lifestyle. The first part of my plan of attack was to begin exercising 5 days a week, for 30 minutes a day. Now, I had been thinking about doing this for a long time, but this time, after seeing myself in the mirror, I knew I had to do something. So, I dusted off my old Insanity Max 30 DVDs, popped it in the DVD player, and started huffing and puffing (and cussing Sean T out in my mind).
After about 5 weeks into this program, I went home to visit my parents. My mother looked at me and said, “It looks like you lost some weight.” I was so happy. Someone could actually see the progress that I had made! I’m sure it showed on my face. Then, my father walked in. He took one look at me and said, “You look like you gained some weight.” That’s all it took. The moment was ruined. I was so hurt because I had been working really hard those last few weeks! When my mother got on him and told him that he can’t tell a woman she’s gained weight, my father proceeded to inform her that I was his daughter and that he could tell me that I gained weight, and on and on and on it went. Finally, I had to tell him that I got it. In fact, he said that I gained weight about 5 times already. I had more than gotten the message.
On my way home, I thought about that exchange and I decided that I would not make my daughter become self-conscience about her weight or her body image. I resolved that my daughter will grow up loving her body, and not feeling as if she has to conform to what the media says her body should be. But I wondered, what messages had I already sent her? My daughter is 5’7’ and is as thin as a rail. Every time I see her flat abs, I get jealous! I tell her that I remember when I used to be skinny like her. Oh, I miss those days. I could eat anything I wanted and never seemed to gain weight. Anyway, I wondered, when I tell her that, what does she hear? Does she hear that she must be skinny? Does she hear that skinny girls are considered pretty? When I tell her that I’m exercising to lose weight, and I dismiss her comment that I look fine the way I am, what does she hear? Does she hear my dissatisfaction with my own body? Does she think that if I’m not happy with my body, she cannot be happy with hers? What is she really learning from me?
I remember when I was my daughter’s age. My mother and aunts used to tell me that once you gained weight, its hard to get it off. They also drilled in me that my clothes size should never be in the double digits. I heard that repeatedly. I don’t think they realized what an impact it had on me. I remember a few years ago my mother bought me a dress. She had me try it on. The dress fit nicely, but I didn’t really like the style. Then, I looked at the tag. It was a size 10. I told my mother that I didn’t want the dress because it was a size 10. Now, to be quite honest, I don’t know who in their right mind thought that dress was a size 10. It was nowhere near a 10! But it didn’t matter. The tag said that it was a size 10, and even if I had liked the dress, I was not going to take it.
Many people have told me that I am not fat. However, when I get on the scale or look in the mirror, I tell myself differently. And, I know its not just me. I have friends that tell me that they are trying to lose weight just to get to my size. I guess my friends and I, and probably most women, need to learn to love the bodies we have. Besides, we don’t need to pass these negative feeling about weight and body image to my daughter, or any other young girl.
So, be careful of the messages you send to kids. They can have a lasting effect on them.
So, now you know and ….. Consider Yourself Warned!
What messages have you been sending to your kids?
Recently, my daughter told me that she and her friends wanted to purchase tickets to see a Korean boy group band in concert at the Prudential Center in New Jersey. She was so excited! They had it all planned out. They were going to meet up in front of the Prudential Center. They were all going to get the best seats ever!! They were going to be right up front, on the floor. Now, I don’t ever remember my daughter listening to KPOP music. I’ve heard the music she plays in the shower. She plays it loudly enough for me to sing along, so I’m familiar with her musical style. But, for the life of me, I have never heard her listen to KPOP, and don’t have a clue as to what it is. Apparently, this is something that she’s pickup at school. Because like I said, I sing along to her music. And, I don’t speak Korean.
She was so excited. She showed me a video of the band. She showed me which boys she thought were cute. She explained to me that this band will not be going on tour for a long time after this one, she just had to see them.
Now, I must admit. The music was ok. It’s not my thing. But she was excited and wanted to go with her friends. I thought, “My daughter is a good kid. She doesn’t give me any problems. Just let the girl go. After all, how much can the ticket be?” I’m thinking, “They can’t be more than $100 or $150 at the most.” So, I ask her, “How much are the tickets?” She calmly, nonchalantly, and effortlessly says, “$300.” $300!!! Are you kidding me? Do you know how many bills I can pay with $300? Do you know how many groceries I can buy with $300? I was in shock.
As calmly as I could, I explained to my lovely, darling daughter that I was not paying $300 for her to go to a concert. I can’t lie. Maybe if Michael Jackson or Prince came back from the dead and had a From Beyond the Grave Tour, I would think of paying it, but not for a KPOP band. Needless to say, that was not the answer she wanted to hear. This little girl could not understand why I was not about to pay $300 for one ticket. She even offered to pay for it herself. She had the money in her bank account. After all, what’s the point of saving money if she couldn’t spend it. That last argument got me thinking, “Maybe I should let her spend her own money for the ticket. Then she could experience the satisfaction of saving money for a goal.” But then I said to myself, “Nah, that’s $300!”. But I know I can be cheap (or frugal if you’re classy), so I called her father to see what he thought. His response, “I have no problem with her going, but she has to get a cheaper ticket.” Again, another response she didn’t like. This poor girl did not go to bed happy that night.
The day that the tickets were released finally comes. My daughter is all bummed out because her cheap mother would not let her get tickets she coveted so. Later that day, my daughter told me that the tickets sold quickly and that only one of her friends was able to get 2 tickets. “Mommy”, she asks, “Guess how much she paid for the tickets?” “How much?” “$900”. I just looked at my daughter in shock. “For 2 tickets?”, I asked. “No”, she tells me. “$900 each!”. I was done. My daughter just smiled at me. Even she knew that was crazy. I just want to know who were these parents who paid $1,800 for 2 KPOP concert tickets? And where do they work? I need to go get a job there.
So, if you are thinking of having kids, or already have young kids, you best start saving up your money now if you want to take them to concerts or shows. And sometimes, you’re going to have to be the mean parent and just say no.
So, now you know and …. Consider Yourself Warned!
So, let me ask you, would you have paid $300 for KPOP concert tickets?
The other day, I had the opportunity to watch TV. Alone. By myself. Without the kids. This is rare for me because … 1) I don’t watch a lot of TV; and 2) even if I wanted to watch TV, I usually don’t have the time. But for some reason, on this particular Saturday night, I didn’t have anything to do, I didn’t feel like doing anything, and the kids were at their father’s.
Months ago, in my effort to reduce my bills, I got rid of cable and purchased a Firestick for the TV. I did this because I realized that my kids were watching Netflix and YouTube more than they were watching cable. So, one day the light bulb switched on and I said to myself, “Why am I paying for cable?” I told the kids that I was getting rid of cable. No one flinched. No one cried. No one had a hissy fit. They just looked at me with blank stares. The only reaction was from my son who just wanted to know if he would be able to watch basketball and football that were shown on the regular channels. So, in addition to the Firestick, I bought an antenna and downloaded both the NBA and NFL apps. He’s good.
So now we have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, and any free app that my kids have downloaded. There are many “channels” to choose from. However, I have found that my problem is that unless I’m binge watching a series, I don’t know what want to watch (amazingly, it seems that all of the movies I want to watch aren’t free). That Saturday night, I wasn’t in the mood to start a new series, so I decided that I would just watch a movie. However, with so many options, it was hard trying to decide what to watch without the kids’ “guidance”.
After about 30 minutes of indecisiveness, I decided to watch The Power Rangers. Yes, I watched The Power Rangers. I must admit, it wasn’t half bad, and it was much better than the corny series I used to watch with the kids when they were little. Although, there were a few parts which made me think, “Really? You really had to say that?”. But I digress. The reason I brought this up was because as I was watching the movie, I had a flashback. I remembered how when the kids were much younger, we would watch cartoons together. I’m talking about young children cartoons, not Family Guy or American Dad. Anyway, I remembered one particular weekend the kids were away visiting their grandparents. After I cleaned the apartment, and did the laundry, I decided to watch TV. I automatically flipped to Nickelodeon and started watching Jimmy Neutron. Now, I should admit, Jimmy Neutron was one of my favorite cartoons back then, that and the Backyardigans. Jimmy Neutron made being smart cool. I liked that. So, I’m watching Jimmy Neutron and about half way through the show ... it hits me. “I don’t have to watch this; the kids aren’t here. I can watch an adult show!” I couldn’t believe it. I was so conditioned to watching children TV shows that I was watching them when the kids weren’t even there! And I did the same thing the other night when I watched The Power Rangers!
So, for those of you who want to have kids, or have little kids now, make sure you watch adult TV shows!!!! You don’t want to end up like me still watching children shows when the kids aren’t even home!
So, now you know and …. Consider Yourself Warned!
If you’re a parent, which children TV shows do you watch when your kids aren’t around?
SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.