Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
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Well, it’s the last week of December and I am officially on vacation. That means that this will be a short blog.
Christmas is over and the kids and I are home. Together. All day. Now, I’m supposed to be relaxing. After all, I am on vacation. You would think that I would be able to sit back, watch tv, have a drink, and just chillax. Nope, not as a parent. Since the kids are older now, I can do that to a certain extent. However, there are still things that need to be done. For example, the leftovers won’t last all week. At some point, I will have to cook, which also means that I will have to go to the grocery store. Then there is the kids’ social lives and activities. Its cold outside. Someone will ask for a ride. The house needs to be cleaned. And not the kids’ version of clean. I mean real clean. Which means I will have to supervise how they clean. Trust me, something always comes up! But, there will be some fun times too. I will get to watch tv with the kids (or maybe just my son. I don’t know if the princess will grace us with her presence). We will have time to sit, talk, and enjoy each other’s company. We can even go see a movie together – I haven’t seen Justice League yet. Side note, my son saw Justice League with his girlfriend. I was so hurt. WE see Marvel movies together, not THEM. I guess this is the beginning. I’m losing him to the girls. Oh well, get some rest while you can. Soon we will be back to our regular schedules. So …. Consider Yourself Warned! If you are on vacation this week, how are you planning to get some rest?
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Merry Christmas!
Happy Hanukah! Happy Kwanza! Happy Holidays to each and every one of you. SassyGirlTye Well, its that time of year again … Christmas! So here we are. Christmas is almost here and I still have some last minute shopping to do. I already bought the kids big ticket items … winter coats, winter boots. Now, I just want to get some small things to put under the Christmas tree. But, since I waited to the last minute, I guess I’ll have to go to the store. If you’re anything like me, you hate going out to the stores this time of year. I am so thankful that I can shop online. I don’t know how people can do it anymore. The stores are too crowded. Little kids are crying because they are hungry, irritated, and/or tired. And people are just plain cranky and/or rude!! For this to be a jolly holiday season, people can sure act real funky!!
One of my friends told me that she was thinking of getting a movie pass card. That sounded like a great gift. I looked at the website and discovered that the purchaser pays a one time annual fee and the person the card is purchased for would be able to use the card all year long to go to the movies without paying. I looked up which movie theaters around us accept the card, and was glad to discover that every theater we go to in Brooklyn and Manhattan accepts that card. I thought I found the perfect gift for my kids. What teenager wouldn’t want that gift? Hell, I was even thinking of getting a card for myself. That is a gift that would definitely be used. So, I get online to order the passes and found out that the card user has to be over the age of eighteen. What kind of crap is that! Don’t they realize how much money they’re potentially losing? Or, maybe they think that teenagers go to the movies so much that the company would lose money if they let them have the cards? Either way, now I have to come up with another gift idea. Oh well. I’m sure no matter what I get them they will be happy. Luckily for me, I can honestly say that now that my kids are older, they are satisfied with whatever they get. Every now and again they will put in a request, but not that often. And when they do, its not overly expensive. So, since its so close to Christmas, I will have to brave the crowds, or pay extra for expedited shipping. Don’t be like me. Shop early, or else you’ll be fighting the crowds. Consider Yourself Warned! To all you parents out there, have you finished your holiday shopping, or did you wait to the last minute like me? I just went into my son’s bedroom to get my laptop. What I saw in there just blew my mind away. It looked like a tornado had blown through that bedroom. Now, I know that my son is not the neatest kid on this earth, but damn! Can a brother clean up his room every now and again without me having to tell him?
I just don’t understand how he can live in that mess. After he finally cleans his room, I inspect it. He gets so mad at me! Its actually funny (at least it is to me, maybe not to him). I go around the room and point out everything that he missed. What gets me is that its sooooo obvious that I’m going to say something. Does he really think that I’m not going to see that all the drawers in the dresser are open with the clothes hanging out? Really? It’s not enough to put the clothes in the dresser, you have to put them in there neatly and actually close the drawers. Does he think that I’m not going to see the clothes on the floor piled up in the corner? Really? Are those clothes clean or dirty? If they’re clean, why are they not in the drawers? Oh, because there’s no room for them? Well, if they’re dirty, why are they not in the hamper? Oh, because there are clean clothes in there? Ok, but why are the clean clothes in the hamper and not in the drawers? They don’t fit? Gee, I wonder why? And the cycle repeats itself with the clothes on the chair, under the bed, on the desk, etc. And, I guess he thinks that I’m not going to see the sneakers in the middle of the room, or the plates and cups that somehow didn’t make it downstairs either. I was complaining to a co-worker about my son’s messy room one day. He suggested that I explain to my son that one day he would have his own apartment and that he will be bringing girls home. He told me to tell him that girls aren’t impressed with men who have messy apartments, and that some girls may not come back. It actually worked ... for a minute. But when he cleaned his room, I was impressed with how clean and neat it was. I even complimented him. Oooooo, I just knew that this was the start of something good. No more nagging! No more over the top inspections! No more messy rooms! Yeah! It only lasted that one day. Then, everything went back to normal. I just don’t get it. Dude, if you take the time and clean up your room properly, you won’t have to listen to my nagging. Unfortunately, he doesn’t read my blog., so he won’t get this message. His sister is not that much better. If my son is an 10 on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the worst, she’s about a 6. This girl has clothes piled up in the corner, garbage piled up in the garbage pail, and the bed is rarely made up on the weekdays. Her floor is begging to be swept. But, the difference between the two of them is that when I tell my daughter to clean her room, she will take the time and do it well. Not my son. I feel sorry for my future daughter-in-law. Hopefully, he will get it together. So, if you think you’re going to have a neat house when you have kids, forget about it, and ... Consider Yourself Warned! For you parents out there, how do you get your teenagers to clean their rooms on a regular basis, and to clean it well? Disappointment. It’s hard enough to face as an adult. Even harder to face as a child. That is what we have been dealing with lately at my house. My son tried out for the varsity basketball team. He played on the junior varsity team for two years so he just knew that he would get one of the four open spots. He knew it. His friends knew it. Even the players on the varsity team knew it. It appears that the only person who didn’t know it was the varsity coach. My son made it all the way to the last round to only have the spot he thought was his get taken by someone who was bigger, and according to my son, less talented than him.
I was in Atlanta at Homecoming when I got the call. I could hear it in his voice. My heart ached for him. He had been playing all summer long with his friends and was really looking forward to being on the team with them. He was the only one who didn’t make the team. I must admit, my first thought was, “Who does that coach think he is? He cut MY son? The nerve of him! Let me call him and give him a piece of my mind and then tell him that he MUST let my son play!” Then, I calmed down. First of all, its not like the coach would listen to me, a ranting mom, but also, its not good for my son. I can’t rush in and solve all his problems. I want to, but is that good for him? I don’t think so. There will be many disappointments in his life. He has to learn how to deal with them. So, I told him. “I know this hurts, but this won’t be the only time you will be disappointed. What really matters is how you handle the disappointment. How you handle this will determine what kind of man you will become. You can either become bitter, or continue to follow your dream. You say you want to play basketball. If you really do, you will find another way to do so. Also, you never know, this could be a blessing in disguise. You can always play on an AAU team. Who knows what opportunities could come out of that?” You never know if your kids are really listening to what you say. I found out that my son does listen to me. The next day he called me. He told me that he really wanted to play basketball for the girls and to be with his friends. He said that he already had a girlfriend, so that’s covered. And he could still play with his friends in another league (he registered for that league last week). But what really impressed me was that he went and spoke to the varsity coach. The coach told him that if it had been any other year, he would have made the team. My son asked him if he could still practice with the team (nine or so members of the team will graduate this year). The coach thought about it for a few days and agreed to it! Now my son is a practice player. He has been to every practice (even the one at 6:30 am ), practicing with the team. I was proud of him. Who knows? If someone gets injured (not that I’m wishing it on anyone), maybe he will get to play. I’m proud how my son handled this situation. I am proud that he did not just sit around and mope in the “woe is me” feelings. I am proud that he did not let his anger and disappointment take over his mood. I’m proud that he was able to make a disappointing situation work out to his advantage. I am proud that he is my son. Parents, watch what you say. Your kids listen and sometimes actually take it to heart. So … Consider Yourself Warned! Today, I am leaving for Atlanta. I can’t wait to go. For the past few years, I have tried to return to Atlanta for homecoming. I love seeing my old college friends as well as my family. I enjoy hanging out at my classes’ tail gate tent, the camaraderie, and the fun we have together.
Monday, I started pre-packing. I have to get my outfits together. After all, I went to Spelman College, and you can’t show up anywhere looking shabby. So, while I’m packing, my daughter acts surprised that I’m going somewhere. Now, I’m thinking, “Girl, you know I go to Atlanta around this time every year. This isn’t the first time.” And besides, I told her a few days ago that I’m leaving Thursday and won’t be able to make Saturday’s track meet. I guess it didn’t sink in that I was leaving until she actually saw me pre-packing. Now she’s sad. For the last two days, all I have been hearing is how she is going to miss me. She’s going on, and on, and on. And it is starting to drive me crazy! I love her and all, but I just don’t need another hug and kiss and proclamation of her love for me. I’m trying to pack! Besides, I’ve been through this before and I know how this story ends. Once I’m gone and she is at school with her friends, she won’t be thinking of me. When I get back, she will tell me how much she missed me, and I will give her my standard response, “Oh yeah? But you didn’t call or text me.” Although, to be fair to her, she will text me and tell me to have a good time. Then there’s her brother, “Mommy, do you have to go?” Ummmm, yeah!!! I need to get away. Of course, I can’t say that to him (and since he probably has forgotten that I have a blog, I’m pretty confident that he won’t be reading it). So, here are my choices, I can travel out of state for the weekend, drink and party with other adults, eat out with friends, and go have fun, or stay at home and be the responsible mom. Which do you think I’m doing this weekend? Both of my children have asked me if they could come with me. I tell them that they can’t go, after all, they have to go to school. But what I’m really thinking is, “Are you crazy! You two would get in the way of my partying.” The reality is that I need this weekend. I need the time to forget about all the responsibilities that comes with being a mother and all of the responsibilities of work. I just need to hang out and get my party on, remember all the good times that I had in college, and make new memories with my friends that I only get to see once a year. Once I do that, I will be tired, but relaxed. Spending time away from my kids makes me a better parent. As parents, we spend so much of our time tending to the wants and needs of our children. However, it is rare that we get the chance to tend to our own wants needs. However, we need to make the effort to tend to them more often. Doing so will make us better parents. So, on that note, I’m off to Atlanta! Maybe I’ll see you there. Be good to yourselves … And Consider Yourself Warned. It’s that time of year again. High school basketball season. Two years ago, my made the JV basketball team. So, for the last two years I have been going to the home JV basketball games during the week. Luckily for me, my son’s school is not too far from my job. I can leave work in enough time to make it to the games. Now that he’s a junior, he is trying out for the varsity team. The first round of tryouts was this past Monday. He thinks that he did well enough to make it to the next round. He’ll find out tomorrow. I hope he and his friends/JV teammates make it. It would be fun to see them playing together again for the next two years. I must admit, I loved going to their games. Even when they were freshman and didn’t get much playing time, the games were still fun. I remember sitting through the whole game, just to see him play the last 30 seconds. I even taped it on my phone for him. It didn’t matter how long he played. I was there to cheer him on. He always knew he had my support.
The funny thing is that he didn’t always appreciate me cheering him on. When he played in a league in middle school, I was the loudest parent cheering from the bench. I was so loud that sometimes my daughter and her father wouldn’t even sit near me. I. Was That. Loud! But I didn’t care. I was there to cheer on my son. And I didn’t cheer just for my son, I cheered for the whole team. Why not? They all needed to hear someone encouraging them to play well and praising them when they made a good play. If I didn’t know a teammate’s name, I would call out their jersey number. I just wanted the player to know that someone was cheering for him. But for some reason, my son used to be embarrassed by my cheering. I don’t know why. Some of the other parents would just sit on the bench and act as if they were bored and wanted to be somewhere else. How could they do that? I just don’t understand. Kids need to be encouraged. Kids need to feel that their parents are supporting them. What kid wouldn’t feel great hearing their parent cheering for them as they play their sport? Can you imagine how good a kid feels when he hears his parent praising him from the stands? Who knows? Maybe my son was embarrassed because I was the loudest parent out there. Oh well, that’s what I get to do. After all, I am his mom. Now here’s the funny thing. As much as my son used to get on me about cheering him on back then, I believe he secretly enjoyed it. What makes you think that, you ask? Well, all during his JV season, whenever he had a home game, he would ask me, “Mom, are you coming to the game?” He would actually look for me in the stands and would get on me when was late (I would tell myself that he was looking to make sure that I was there for him, not because I was bringing him the Gatorade he asked me to bring). So here he is again, trying out for the varsity team. I hope he makes it. I will be his biggest cheerleader out there. Well, I guess his girlfriend and I will be his biggest cheerleaders. Either way, I can’t wait to see what the new season brings. Now, you future and new parents out there better rest up your vocal cords. You’re going to need them to cheer your kids on because YOU should be their biggest cheerleader! So now you know and you can consider yourself warned! Now that my kids are older, I find myself looking at babies and little kids between the ages of 4 and 7, and wishing that my kids were that age again. Can you imagine? I finally got to a point in my life where my kids are teenagers and are self-sufficient, and here I am wanting to go back to when they were babies!
I got a chance to re-live that time of my life through my friend’s daughter last Sunday. My friends and I were at a jazz brunch. One of my friends brought her three-year-old daughter with her. Her daughter is sooooo precious. She’s one of those kids that when you see them, you just want to snatch them up and run. Fortunately, I’ve watched enough episodes of Law and Order to know that that’s not a good idea. Anyway, watching my friend with her daughter, made me remember back to when my daughter was her age and how much fun we had together. That was when she still wanted to hang around me. Now, she prefers her friends over me. When the band started playing, I asked my friend’s daughter if she wanted to dance. Of course she did! What three-year-old wants to sit at a table when she could be on the dance floor? So, she put down her spoonful of chocolate cake, and after her mom cleaned her face, we were off. Well let me tell you. We had a great time together. She got to dance, and I got to feed the maternal hunger I had. But, there was one thing that I had forgotten about little kids. Dancing with her made me remember that little kids have a lot of energy, energy that I don’t necessarily have anymore. Then I started thinking back on what it was really like when my kids were little. When my kids were that age, our Saturdays were filled with activities. First, it started with dancing school for my daughter. While she was at dancing school, I would take my son for a walk in the Botanical Gardens (at that time, admission was free before a certain time). After dancing school, we rushed to their martial arts class, and from there to swimming. While the kids were at swimming class, I would run to the grocery store. Luckily for me, the grocery store was right down the block from the Y where the kids had swimming class. When I reflect on that time in my life I wonder, “Where did I get the energy to do all that?” I honestly don’t know! I remember we would come home after swimming class and after I put the groceries away I would ask the kids if they were ready for a nap. The answer was always an empathic NO!! They would play, and play, and play. All I wanted to do was take a nap. But I couldn’t. I had to stay awake to keep an eye on them. Eventually, I would have them sit on the couch so we could watch TV together. I would sit down with them and my eyes would start to close. Next thing I knew, I was waking up, the TV was watching me, and the kids were playing in either the living room or their bedroom. Oh well, at least they didn’t wake me up from my nap. I know you must be wondering, what’s the point of all this? Well here it is … when you have little kids, they will have much, much more energy than you, so you better get your rest now! So, now you have it and now you can … Consider Yourself Warned! Two weeks ago, my kids and I went on a road trip. Our trip lasted ten days. We, meaning I, drove to Atlanta stopping in Washington, Charlottesville, Durham, and Charlotte to visit colleges (with the exception of Charlotte, there we just stopped there to visit friends).
I have to admit, at first I was dreading this trip. All I could think about was how would I survive being in the car for days with teenagers? These kids have perfected the art of war at home. I could only imagine what it was going to be like trapped in the car. At least at home they can each retreat into their own rooms. Where could they go in a moving car? But, I have to admit, it was nowhere as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, for the most part, it was actually fun. It had been a long time since we did a road trip like that and I had forgotten how a long car trip could bring a family closer together. When we left Brooklyn, my son whipped out the speakers and played music from the Pandora app on his phone. Don’t you love technology? We were singing like we were the black Partridge Family riding down I-95 in a silver Mazda SUV (I know I dated myself with that Partridge Family reference .. oh well. I know some of you remember that show. If not, Google it.). It was fun at first, that is until we got tired of the music he was playing. Eventually, my daughter wanted to listen to the Hamilton sound track, which her brother and I are sick of hearing, and I wanted to listen to something a little more mellow than Nikki Minaj. So what to do? Herein lies the first of many lessons that I learned while road tripping with teenagers:
So, Consider Yourself Warned! It never fails. Whenever I get to this time of year, I can’t believe that summer is almost over. I wonder to myself, “Where did the time go?” I sit back and realize that I have not spent this summer the doing what I really wanted to do … nothing! Unfortunately, summer is just like any other time of the year, I am busy, busy, busy!
Now don’t get me wrong, I did hang out with my friends and enjoy happy hour, but I would really like a summer where I didn’t have to work (but still get paid). In fact, I would like to get paid more than what I make now, and have the summers off. But, back to reality. One thing that I hate about the summer is that school will start up again soon. Luckily for me, I have kids that actually like going to school. Perhaps I should rephrase that statement. As my son told me once, he likes the social aspect of school, not so much the school work part of it. I think the reason I dislike the end of summer and the beginning of school is that it makes me realize my kids are one year closer to leaving me and going off to college, and I will be home with an empty nest. As much as my girlfriends and I joke about the kids being out of the house, the reality is that they will be missed. Hell, I miss them when they go to their father’s, or when they spend a week with their grandparents! I know you must be saying to yourself, “Girl, your kids are still in high school. Why are you even thinking of them leaving for college?” And you are right, maybe I shouldn’t be thinking about something that is two years or so from happening. But the problem is ... this week, my kids and I are on mini college tour, so reality is slapping me in the face right now. I took two weeks off to take a road trip with my kids. As of today, my kids have seen Georgetown University, Howard University, and University of Virginia. Tomorrow, they will be Duke. By the end of next week we will have also seen Spelman College, Morehouse College, Clark Atlanta University, and Georgia Tech. Just seeing both of my kids physically standing on a college campus makes me want to cry. I can’t even imagine how I will react when I drop them and their belongings off at their dorm. I hope I can hold in the tears until I get back to the car. Anyway, I know that college life will be a good experience for them, and it is one that I want them to have. And, I know that it is one that they want as well. But until then, I am going to cherish the time that I have left because you may never know, as one of my friends told me over drinks the other night, “Once they leave for college, they may not come back home.” So, cherish the time you have with your kids. Once they leave, they may not come back home! Consider Yourself Warned! Mommy, I want a brother. At sixteen years old, my son is still telling me this. Even though he has a perfectly good sister, he still wants a brother. I guess its only natural. I am my parents’ only daughter. For many years I told my mother that I wanted a sister. And for many years, my mother told me that she was not having any other more kids. I could never understand why she just wouldn’t make me sister. After all, she made me a younger brother when I asked for one. Now that I think of it, my younger brother has never thanked me for his existence. For all I know, had I not asked for him, he may not be alive today. Anyway, no matter how much I asked for a little sister, I never got one. I got little cousins, play sisters, and even shared my friends’ sisters, but I never got my own sister.
Now that my son has been expressing his wish for a younger brother, I find myself repeating the words that my mother said to me, “I’m not having any more kids.” The tone of my voice varies depending on how much he’s nagged and/or complained that day. It can be either playful, “Boy please, I am not having any more kids”. It can be frustrated, “Why? So you can have someone else to argue with?” It can be annoyed, “I already told you, I’m not having any more kids!” I even tried logic. I’ve explained to my son that even if I were to have another kid, there’s no guarantee that it would be a boy. He could get stuck with another sister. And, even if by the grace of God I had a boy, it’s not like he would be born a teenager! He would be a baby. That baby won’t be able to play basketball with him and the baby would be two years old when my son leaves for college. But really tho, what my son doesn’t understand is that its been sixteen years since I had him and I’m still trying to get my body back! Does he really think that I would ruin the little progress I made just to have another kid? I don’t think so! Interestingly enough, my daughter has hasn’t asked me for a younger sister in years. On my parents’ side, my daughter is the youngest grandchild and the only girl. When she mentioned that she wanted a younger sister a few years ago, I casually reminded her that if I had another kid, she would not be the youngest anymore. I could literally see her thinking and can tell you the exact moment when she realized how her status in the family would change if I had another child. It was like seeing the light bulb click on her mind. Now, the only complaint I get from her every now and then is how much she wishes she didn’t have a brother. I think my daughter would be just fine if she were an only child. I know that I sound heartless, but I do feel for my son. I understand his need for a younger brother, especially one close in age. I can see him playing basketball with a younger brother. I can see them watching and talking basketball together. I can see my son and his younger brother talking about girls … who’s cute, who they are interested in, and how to get their attention. All of that would be nice, but sorry my man, you don’t have a younger brother. You have a younger sister instead! So, just so you know, no matter how many children you have and in what combination, someone will not be satisfied. Now you know. So consider yourself warned! During the summer, my philosophy is that if I have to leave the house in the morning, so do the kids. Everyone must have somewhere to go. If I have to go to work, no one gets to stay home and chillax.
This year, my son is working as a camp counselor at a basketball camp. He is there at 7:30 am and does not leave until the last kid is picked up by their parent. Why this kid chose to be a camp counselor is a mystery to me. I’ve seen how he is with his younger sister. He has no patience at all! Unfortunately for him, he works with the 6 year old kids and they are really making him earn his money! Here’s a sampling of some of the things he has said to me (remember he has only had this job for about five weeks now): “Mommy, I just don’t know how you did it with two kids!” (Mind you, he and his sister are still kids and I’m still doing it!) “Mommy, why do people send six year olds to basketball camp?” “Mommy, these kids just don’t listen!” “Mommy, I was telling these kids that LeBron is the best, and they told me that Stephen Curry was better than LeBron. I told them that some people think that Michael Jordan is the best, and they asked me, who is that?” (I think that one was one of my favorites!) “Mommy, Kid X was misbehaving, so I told him that I was going to call his grandmother and tell her that he was being bad. All of a sudden, Kid X gets all serious. When I turned around, his grandmother was right behind me!” My daughter is volunteering at a preschool from 9 am to 6 pm, where she works with 3 and 4 year olds. Now, I can see her doing that because she loves little kids. Every time she sees babies/preschoolers in the street, she comments on how they are soooooo adorable. Now that she has been working, she still thinks kids are adorable, but now she is learning that dealing with kids all day is exhausting. When I ask her about her day, she just sighs and tells me about how tired she is. Apparently, these kids don’t want to follow directions either and some of them aren’t potty trained, so there may be a surprise or two waiting for her when she wakes them up from nap time. Some of the things she has said to me are: “Mommy, they may look like little kids, but they act like grumpy 70 year olds!” (I found this statement to be interesting because the only 70 year olds that she really hangs around regularly are her grandparents) “Mommy, it just makes me appreciate how you put up with me even more.” (This just warmed my heart) Luckily for me, when they come home, they are too tired to go out. They are home, and I don’t have to worry about them hanging out in the streets. Also, I’m hoping that spending time with these little kids will be a sort of pre-emptive birth control for them (I can’t be a parent that buries her head in the sand when it comes to teenage sex). Anyway, luckily for them, they get the last two weeks of August off. My son has already told me that he can’t wait to go back to school! So, if you don’t want your kids hanging out all night during the summer, or if you want them to experience caring for children, make them get summer jobs working with kids! So now you know … Consider Yourself Warned! When I was kid-less, I had a romantic idea of what kind of mother I was going to be. I was going to be kind, loving, and most of all … patient. I was going to have the patience of the Biblical Job and I was going to be the perfect mother. After all, these were my precious babies. I would love them so much. How could I ever be unloving, inpatient, or unkind to them? Well, let me tell you. All you need to do is spend a day with a tired and cranky toddler, a stubborn pre-teen, or an attitude-ish teenager and your patience and loving feelings will go right out the window.
I remember one day before kids, I was walking around lower Manhattan during lunch. I remember seeing this lady on the street with a young boy who I assumed was her son. I don’t know what that kid did, but this lady was just YELLING at him. She was so loud … and she didn’t even care that she was making a scene! I was so embarrassed for her and I felt sorry for him. I remember thinking to myself, “How could she do that? How could she be so mean to that poor little boy? I would never do that to my kids!” I was sooooooo righteous and judgmental. Can you imagine? I had no kids, but had the nerve to judge this lady. But I’m sure I’m not the only person who does that. Its so easy to have all these grand ideas of what kind of parent you will be when you don’t have kids yet. Unfortunately, I have found that for some reason, yelling is the most effective way to get these kids’ attention. For the life of me, I don’t know why these kids can’t respond to a rational, reasonable voice. They just don’t. But, once I start yelling, that’s when I get their attention. Maybe it’s the loud noise. I don’t know, but I have found that yelling can work wonders with kids. Now, I really do try not to yell at them often. In fact, I will try to reason with them first, and sometimes that works. But, most times, it doesn’t. And then I have to resort to yelling. I really hate that it has to be this way. I don’t want to be known as the yelling mom, but sometimes I have to yell just so that they can hear me over their own arguing. I don’t know what it is about teenagers, but they are constantly arguing about something. Its just so annoying! Anyway, I digress. Oh yeah, yelling. Sometimes I hear other mothers on the street yelling at their kids. I see the kids staring at the mom with a blank look on their face, you know the look where everything is going in one ear and right out the other? My kids give me that look too. That really frustrates me and just makes me yell even more. Anyway, I see that poor mom yelling at her kid and I don’t have any symphony for the kid anymore. I just say to myself, “I wonder what that kid did to push her buttons?” I actually feel good because it just affirms that I am not the only mom out there who yells at her kids (but, not being judgmental here, I don’t start yelling at my kids until they are in the car or at home. Loud talking, that’s another story). But seriously though, we as parents (myself included) really do need to try to control ourselves when it comes to yelling. Its one thing to yell to get their attention. But its another thing to yell with the purpose of demeaning our kids with abusive language. That’s not cool. So, if you are living in this la la land, WAKE UP! And, don’t judge me. Until next time … Consider Yourself Warned! This past Sunday, I became the proud parent of a 16 year old! It’s hard for me to believe that my son is now 16 years old. I still remember the day I brought him home from the hospital. He was so tiny, so cute, and so precious. He depended upon me for everything. My how the time has changed!
I have watched this little boy grow into a teenager. He has a wonderful sense of humor and he is my sweet son with a big loving heart. I am amazed at how independent he is at his age. But then again, he is a product of Brooklyn … kids here are born independent. It just a New York thing. Anyway, now that he is 16, you know what he wants to do … drive! HE wants ME to teach him how to drive. This kid really thinks that I am going to teach him how to drive! Can you believe it? When he asked me to teach him, I was confused. In my mind I was thinking, “Dude, you take the train to school every day. Even if you were to get your driver’s license, you’re still taking the train to school. You would have to leave an hour and a half earlier if you drove just to find a parking space near school. And really, its not like there’s a free parking lot next to the school. And not only that, would you even remember where you parked the car?” In my mind, I saw him trying to impress some pretty girl and/or his friends. I could see that kid wasting the gas that he didn’t pay for, driving his friends all around Brooklyn. Did he really think I was going to teach him how to drive? I don’t think so! Now, I will admit, sometimes, when I come home from work, I don’t feel like moving the minivan and the thought does cross my mind of how nice it would be if my son could just move this van for me when he gets home from school. Then I wouldn’t have to do it. But shortly after that, another thought pops into my head, “Would he really just move the van to the other side of the street, or would he go for a ride? After all, its not like I would be at home to see it if he did.” I can just see it now, my son driving the minivan … blasting Drake, or some other rapper as loud as the speakers will let him. I can only imagine what my poor retired neighbors would think once they heard the unedited version of the rap music my son likes to listen to. But then again, you never know. Maybe they like Drake too. So, when he asked about lessons, what I said out loud was, “You can’t even remember what I told you to do 5 minutes ago. How are you going to drive a car?” He just laughed and told me that it wasn’t the same thing. No, you're right. Its not exactly the same thing, but they both have to do with your attention span. Now I appreciate his eagerness. After all, I remember turning 16 and wanting to learn how to drive too. But I was different. I was much more mature than he is at this stage in his life. And besides, I grew up in Connecticut. We didn’t have a subway system and my mother was ready for me to get my license because she wanted me to drive my younger brother around. I honed my driving skills taking my brother to baseball practice, football practice, games, and by driving him on his paper route in the winter because my mother thought it was too cold for him to walk. Anyway, I am not ready for this kid to drive. And if you knew him, you wouldn’t be ready for him to drive either. If you have kids, they will be teenagers soon. Get ready! One day they’re going to want to drive. Until then … Consider Yourself Warned! |
SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.
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