Yelling

When I was kid-less, I had a romantic idea of what kind of mother I was going to be.  I was going to be kind, loving, and most of all … patient.  I was going to have the patience of the Biblical Job and I was going to be the perfect mother.  After all, these were my precious babies.  I would love them so much.  How could I ever be unloving, inpatient, or unkind to them?  Well, let me tell you.  All you need to do is spend a day with a tired and cranky toddler, a stubborn pre-teen, or an attitude-ish teenager and your patience and loving feelings will go right out the window.

I remember one day before kids, I was walking around lower Manhattan during lunch.  I remember seeing this lady on the street with a young boy who I assumed was her son.  I don’t know what that kid did, but this lady was just YELLING at him.  She was so loud … and she didn’t even care that she was making a scene!  I was so embarrassed for her and I felt sorry for him.  I remember thinking to myself, “How could she do that?  How could she be so mean to that poor little boy?  I would never do that to my kids!”  I was sooooooo righteous and judgmental.  Can you imagine?  I had no kids, but had the nerve to judge this lady.  But I’m sure I’m not the only person who does that.  Its so easy to have all these grand ideas of what kind of parent you will be when you don’t have kids yet.

Unfortunately, I have found that for some reason, yelling is the most effective way to get these kids’ attention.  For the life of me, I don’t know why these kids can’t respond to a rational, reasonable voice.  They just don’t.  But, once I start yelling, that’s when I get their attention.  Maybe it’s the loud noise.  I don’t know, but I have found that yelling can work wonders with kids.  Now, I really do try not to yell at them often.  In fact, I will try to reason with them first, and sometimes that works.  But, most times, it doesn’t.  And then I have to resort to yelling.  I really hate that it has to be this way.  I don’t want to be known as the yelling mom, but sometimes I have to yell just so that they can hear me over their own arguing.  I don’t know what it is about teenagers, but they are constantly arguing about something.  Its just so annoying!  Anyway, I digress.  Oh yeah, yelling.  Sometimes I hear other mothers on the street yelling at their kids.  I see the kids staring at the mom with a blank look on their face, you know the look where everything is going in one ear and right out the other?  My kids give me that look too.  That really frustrates me and just makes me yell even more.  Anyway, I see that poor mom yelling at her kid and I don’t have any symphony for the kid anymore.   I just say to myself, “I wonder what that kid did to push her buttons?”  I actually feel good because it just affirms that I am not the only mom out there who yells at her kids (but, not being judgmental here, I don’t start yelling at my kids until they are in the car or at home.  Loud talking, that’s another story). 

But seriously though, we as parents (myself included) really do need to try to control ourselves when it comes to yelling.  Its one thing to yell to get their attention.  But its another thing to yell with the purpose of demeaning our kids with abusive language.  That’s not cool.

So, if you are living in this la la land, WAKE UP!  And, don’t judge me.

Until next time … Consider Yourself Warned!