Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
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Earlier this week, my daughter came home from school upset. She told me that one of her white classmates saw her with her hair braided and asked her why didn’t she just wear a wig because it would look better. Can you imagine how my precious Angel must have felt? Her feelings were hurt. I don’t know the motive behind that remark, but I told my daughter that she should have told that girl to mind her own business and go to hell. Knowing that my daughter goes to a Catholic school, that probably wasn’t the best response to that situation. But hey, if she got detention for saying it, I would have been ok with it. Sometimes you just need to say what needs to be said.
My heart hurt that day. Kids can be so cruel, and I really think girls are the worst. They are catty, mean, and just plain bitches. They say things that can really damage other kids’ egos and can potentially ruin their self-images. Unfortunately for my daughter, and any other African-American girl, she is bombarded with images of women with bone straight hair. Of course, those women are considered to be beautiful, the ones the all the boys want. They see it every day in social media, on tv, in videos, and movies. And it really hits home when you see young black boys choosing the “Beckys with the straight hair” (as Beyoncé so eloquently put it). My daughter knows that her hair is fine just the way it is, but that remark still hurt. Not only is she dealing with the hair comments, but she is skinny. She has always been skinny. Some of her overly developed and not so skinny friends make comments on her weight. Unfortunately, girls have been commenting on her weight since she was little. Once, she came home from summer camp and told me that she had to gain weight because the girls at camp said that she was too skinny. She was around 9 when this happened. If its not the hair or the weight, its her belief that other girls her age are just prettier. That drives me crazy. I don’t know what she sees in the mirror, but it is surely not the beautiful girl I see every day. I don’t know if she’s comparing herself to other girls in her school, or if she’s comparing herself to the image of “beautiful” girls in the media. Either way, I wish she could see herself the way that I see her. I am hopeful that over time, she will. So, back to the girl who felt the need to comment on my daughter’s hair. Later on in the week, I asked my daughter about it. She said that the girl is oblivious about the effect that remark had on her. This time, since I was no longer in angry mom mode, I was able to offer better advise. I told her that she may want to have a talk with the girl and explain that what she said was pretty mean (just in case she really thought she was being helpful) and explain that that comment made her feel as if her hair wasn’t good enough. That way, this girl is on notice that she better think twice before saying something again. As far as I’m concerned, if she makes another negative comment about her hair, the perfect reaction is “Go to hell!”. I didn’t tell my daughter that part. But, she knows her mom. Media images glamorizing a certain look can damage some of these young girls’ self-images. We as parents must be mindful of that and always do what we can to let our daughters know that they are beautiful no matter what kind of hair they have, what their body type is, or what kind of clothes they wear. We need to remind them that beauty is in how they carry themselves, and that smart girls are sexy. So, now you know, and you can … Consider Yourself Warned! What advise do you have for teenage girls who don’t see their beauty?
2 Comments
Magdalena ALbizu
2/21/2019 11:42:59 pm
This hurts my heart especially since I know your beautiful daughter. It makes me think of how to instill self love in these girls. How do we get them to realize they are Princess destined to be Queens. They have a purpose on this earth.
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SassyGirlTye
2/27/2019 02:25:46 pm
Thanks Magda. We should take her out to lunch one day and have a talk with her and give her some ideas of how to respond.
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SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.
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