Consider yourself warned!
A guide for those who think they want children.
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Well, it started. Last week, my son started hearing back from some of the colleges he applied to for early acceptance. I didn’t even know that the results were out until he sent me a text to let me know that he had gotten in. I felt a little cheated. I imagined that when he got his results, I would be recording it on my cell phone so I could show my co-workers and post it on my Facebook page. Instead, his sister recorded it. Let’s just say you don’t want her filming any of your special moments. After getting these results, my son was happy and relieved. He was happy. I was a little sad. Don’t get me wrong. I really was happy for him, but that text just reminded me that my firstborn will be leaving me in a few months.
Then came the email that my son had been waiting on ... the decision from his first choice school, one of the Ivy League universities. He knew that this was one of his “reach schools”. He knew that there was a strong likelihood that he would not get in. Even so, it didn’t stop him from wanting to go there. It didn’t stop him from hoping that he would get in. It didn’t stop him from daydreaming of being there. His sister and I gather around the computer as he opened the email. He was nervous. He was anxious. I was scared. I wanted him to get accepted because that was his first choice school. But, I was worried of how he would react if he didn’t get in. My daughter and I patiently waited for him to read the email. He read it silently, and then, he told us. He was rejected. He was heartbroken. I was mad! How dare they reject my son! Didn’t they know what a great kid he was? Believe you me, if I could, I would have gone to that college and make them accept my son. But we all know I can’t do that. Well, maybe if I funded that new library wing, or had the right family name. So, what could I do? All I could do was tell him the truth. I told him that it was the school’s loss, not his. And I told him that this won’t be the last time he would face rejection. It will happen over and over and over again. I told him that how he deals with rejection will define his character. Then, I told him of how I didn’t get into law school the first time I applied, I was wait-listed and never made it off the list. I reapplied the next year and was accepted. I wanted him to understand that I knew exactly how he felt because I had experienced it too. But after a while, I saw the all too familiar glassy, far away look in his eyes. Instead of getting annoyed like I normally do when I see that look, I knew it was time to just leave him alone. He needed his space. The next day, my son bounced back and was ready to start applying to his second set of schools for regular decision. I must admit. I was proud of him. I know that with that attitude, this kid will go far. As a parent, it seems as if when your children’s heart breaks, your’s does too. But what can you do? As much as we want to protect our children and make the world a perfect place for them, that’s just not possible. There are so many things that you as a parent can’t control. All we can do is remind them that they are loved, that they can do anything, and to teach them how to navigate the not so happy times of life so it won’t seem as if the world is falling apart. Unfortunately, dealing with rejection and disappointment are life skills that children must learn, skills that we as parents have to teach them. So, now you know and you can .... Consider Yourself Warned! For you parents out there, how did you help your child deal with rejection and disappointments?
7 Comments
Mishonda
12/13/2018 09:31:13 am
Soror Tye I wanna keep it real I cried reading your blog because it brought me back to that moment in time when my daughter got her “rejection” from Duke! I was like the nerve of them not accepting my baby she’s smart & beautiful ! I told her the same... it’s their loss etc... So I can definitely relate to the disappointments and the preparation WE as parents have to do for and with our children to prepare them for Life’s disappointments that we can not control! I’m proud of him for not allowing that to keep him “stuck” and that he was ready to go back & conquer this!🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Always for this road isn’t easy!
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SassyGirlTye
12/17/2018 11:06:52 am
Thanks Soror Mishonda. I can't wait for this process to be over and done with! Then I can relax until next year when I have to go through all this again with my daughter.
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Veronica Thomas
12/13/2018 08:44:50 pm
You know we discussed this a while back. I am warning you to get ready in August when you have to go shopping for sheets, calculators, etc. It will get real that someone who occupies your space everyday will see you only on the holidays and veryyyyyyyy long summers. Eniola will get more acceptance letters because he is a bright child. I went through the same process, and I agree it is VERY nerve racking.
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SassyGirlTye
12/17/2018 11:09:50 am
Veronica, I have the feeling that if this kid is within a 5 hour bus ride, he will be home for Thanksgiving. If he is within a 2 hour bus ride, he may come home more often. We shall see. It will be interesting to see what it feels like and how he will behave that first time he's home for Christmas break.
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Liza
12/15/2018 08:44:26 pm
It is hard to not be able to stop the pain but we know that by learning to deal now they will be so much stronger later. He will end up exactly where he is supposed to because God is amazing. And those other schools will have missed out on his greatness.
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SassyGirlTye
12/17/2018 11:10:32 am
I completely agree!
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SassyGirlTye lives with her two wonderful teenagers in Brooklyn, New York. No matter what she says in her posts, she truly loves her children with all her heart.
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